1. "The Muppet Show" (Opening) Kermit: It's the Muppet Show with our Very Special Guest Star, ... Females: It's time to play the music It's time to light the lights It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight. Males: It's time to put on makeup It's time to dress up right It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight. Waldorf: Why do we always come here Statler: I guess we'll never know Waldorf: It's like a kind of torture both: To have to watch the show (brief interlude) Muppets: And now let's get things started Audience: Why don't you get things started Kermit: It's time to get things started Muppets: on the most sensational inspirational celebrational Muppetational this is what we call the Muppet Show! (Bob blows his Organ )
2. YOU'LL NEVER GET TO HEAVEN I Oh you'll never get to heaven In a bottle of jin Cos the lord won't let No spirit's in Wo Oh Oh you'll never get to heaven In a bottle of jin Cos the lord won't let No spirit's in I ain't gonna grieve my lord no more-ore-ore I ain't gonna grieve my lord I ain't gonna grieve my lord I ain't gonna grieve my lord no more-ore-ore II In a biscuit tin Cos a biscuit tin, got bickies in. III On a pane of glass Cos a pane of glass, will cut your........elbow IV In a girl guides bra Cos a girl guides bra won't stretch that far [Finishing with] V Oh if you get to heaven Before I do Just dig a hole And pull me through [Then] VI Oh if I get to heaven Before you do I'll dig a hole And pull you through
3. ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI On top of spaghetti All covered in cheese I lost my poor meatball When somebody sneezed It rolled off the table And onto the floor And then my poor meatball It rolled out the door It rolled down the garden And under a bush And then my poor meatball Was nothing but mush (moral) If you have spaghetti All covered in cheese Hold onto your meatball Cos someone might sneeze.
4. QUATERMASTER'S STORES Choras My eyes are dim, I cannot see, I have not brought my specs with me, I have not brought my specs with me I There were Fleas, Fleas Doing a striptease in the stores, in the stores There were Fleas, Fleas Doing a striptease in the Quatermasters stores II There were beans, beans Wearing wrangler jeans III There was gravy, gravy Enough to feed the navy IV There was beer, beer The colour of diahorrea V There was cheese, cheese With awful knobbly knees
5. BOOM CHICK A BOOM I said a boom I said a boom chick a boom I said a boom chick a lacka, chick a lacka, chick a boom Ah - Ha Oh - Yeh Next time were gonna do it like a ..... ?..... French man .... Acent German .... Acent Mexican .... Acent Jamician .... Acent Annette Hay .... Really quite and shy ! Rod Bain .... Shout very loudly
6. THE OTHER DAY [ Each line is sung out by one person and repeated by everyone else after which all four lines in succession are sung at the end of each verse] I The other day I met a bear Up in the woods Away up there II He looked at me I loked at him He sized up me I sized up him III He said to me Why don't you run I see you ain't Got any gun IV And so I ran Away from there And right behind Me was that bear V And then I saw Ahead of me A great big tree O lordy me VI The nearest branch Was ten feet up I'd have to jump And trust my luck VII And so I jumped Into the air But I missed that branch Away up there VIII But thats alright No don't you frown Cause I caught that branch On the way back down IX Now that's all there is There ain't no more unless I meet That bear once more Learned from Orla "scruffy" Murphy Dundalk S.A.I. 17-7-94 Waterfront, Blackrock
7. SINGING IN THE RAIN I I'm singing in the rain just singing in the rain what a glorious feeling I'm ha-ha-happy again
(everyone else) ARMS OUT (ARMS OUT) WRISTS TOGETHER (WRISTS TOGETHER) A ruch cha cha, a ruch cha cha, a ruch, cha cha cha A ruch cha cha, a ruch cha cha, a ruch, cha cha cha II I'm singing in the rain just singing in the rain what a glorious feeling I'm ha-ha-happy again THUMBS UP (THUMBS UP) FEET TOGETHER (FEET TOGETHER) [Repeat as above adding on] III Elbows bent (Elbows bent) Knees bent (Knees bent) IV Chest out (Chest out) Bums out (Bums out) V Tongues out (Tongues out) [Finishing with] VI I'm singing in the rain just singing in the rain what a glorious feeling I'm ha-ha-happy again Sit down